50 Shades of Grey Quotes Funny Tumblr

Things I have learned from Fifty Shades Freed (part 7/?)

1. I feel like I'm part of a perpetual nightmare
2. I'm only on page 303. That's 303 pages more than this book needed.
3. "His eyes widen with his oh-no-where's-she-going-with-this expression", "her cat-ate-the-canary smile", "his where-is-she-going-with-this look" – someone give E.L.James a thesaurus, so she can stop using constructions like these to describe things.
4. That's not good writing, that's lazy writing
5. This book is so stupid
6. So so stupid I cry

7. I'm legit just skimming at this point. My patience has worn thin.
8. Ghost Girl is back. I wish I could give a fuck but no
9. *checks pockets* Nope, no fucks

10. She's here with another ex-sub of Christian's and, get this: "We call ourselves the sub club."
11. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA what the fuck
12. Christian is, in his own words, "fucking furious" that Ana is meeting Leila aka Ghost Girl because this book needed more drama
13. "Don't you hang up on me," he hisses.
      "Good-bye, Christian." I hang up and switch off Prescott's phone." – points and gold stars for Ana
14. "Mentally I run through all the classical literature I can think of that deals with unrequited love. Swallowing hard, I clutch the moral high ground." - ????? these sentences make no sense. E.L.James, please consider changing your job because you're doing a piss poor job of being a writer.

15. Goats can write better than this.
16. "My subconscious rolls her eyes at me in despair and goes back to reading her dog-eared copy of Jane Eyre." – your subconscious needs to take a leap into the void
17. "I told you once, I don't have a heart," he mutters. – you're such a fucking drama queen, Christian

18. Throwback to the previous book: "I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore." – a book that has sold millions of copies, in case you forgot
19. "Paging Dr. Flynn, please. How can he not see this?" – yes, Anastasia, you are more capable and more knowledgeable than a doctor, sure.
20. "an arrogant, I-so-own-you smile" - PLZ STOP AND LEARN MORE WORDS
21. "how this man can go from raging control freak to seductive lover in one breath" – he's coo-coo for cocoa puffs
22. "Oh, Christian, you scare me sometimes."
23. "sometimes" LOL
24. Sudden sex scene I was not prepared for MY EYES
25. So, Ana's dad was in an accident and he's in the OR. Ana and Christian are waiting for the doctor to give them info and he eventually shows up and:
26. "You're his next of kin?
      "I'm his daughter, Ana."
      " Miss Steele…"
      "Mrs. Grey," Christian interrupts him – Christian, seriously? Her dad is in the hospital and this is a thing that you're doing? This character is despicable and the most possessive and selfish excuse for a human being I've ever met
27. "My sweet, sheltered Fifty Shades" - *groans loudly* OH MY GOD GIVE IT A FUCKING BREAK

28. "my inner goddess has left the building and taken my libido with her" – QUICK, SEAL EVERY ENTRANCE SO SHE CAN'T COME BACK, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND NO ONE MAKE A FUCKING SOUND
29. "My inner goddess swoons, bringing my libido back from purdah" – MOTHERFUCKER
30. "and my inner goddess does a backflip off the high dive" – I hope she trips and breaks her fucking neck
31. "It's about winning" - *Charlie Sheen rises from the ashes*

32. "Mr. Megabucks" – OH MY GOD
33. "My inner goddess stops stuffing her face with tarte Tatin" – no please, don't stop *whispers* maybe she chokes
34. I have never wished so much death on a fictional character
35. Ana: "Maybe I need to be restrained." – *rolls eyes* *bangs head against wall*

36. Oh lovely, another painfully detailed sex scene
37. THIS BOOK IS SO REPETITIVE I WANT TO PUNCH SOMETHING
38. It's like: arguing – sex – I love you, you know that – sex – exhaustive descriptions of what the characters are wearing – fighting – angry sex – I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU YOU ARE MY LIFE – moar sex
39. WHY
40. I still have not finished this book fuck me

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6

Things I have learned from Fifty Shades of Grey

Things I have learned from Fifty Shades Darker

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